The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
