You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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