Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
