You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
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The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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