Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Every concussion has its silver lining
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
