Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
