I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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