Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
