dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
