im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
