the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
