i need an iv and a liver transplant
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
