i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
