Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
