Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
