i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
