thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
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And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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