living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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