Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
