i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
