I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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