Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
