i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Text me some of your sweat
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
