We're facebook friends in real life
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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