i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
