u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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