There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
