Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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