Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
