whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
