My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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