I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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