Your face is a jimmy john
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
