wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
