i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
