I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
