Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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