I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
