The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
