Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wish my penis had a tongue
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
