i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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