she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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