I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
