and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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