there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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