sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
