dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
