when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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