It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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