my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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