So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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