Your mouth is God's brothel.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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