If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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