giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
