You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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