Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
