got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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