Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.