Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(904): View more from Florida

So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!

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(706): View more from Georgia

he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"

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(727): View more from Florida

What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked

(539): View more from

All of it

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(314): View more from Missouri

So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.

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