I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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