he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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