I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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