party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
