Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
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lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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