wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
