just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
