she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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