Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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