This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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