I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
