had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
