Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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