Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
