If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
