just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
