Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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