So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
