She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
