can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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